Fatherly love is a beautiful thing that makes a child’s life amazing and full of happy memories. But agonizingly, sometimes the smallest of misunderstandings can grow up into huge issues, creating conflicts between children and their dads. So, if you have been lately questioning yourself ‘why does my father hate me?’, you have arrived at the right place.
Fathers tend to become less affectionate towards their children when they do not mature with age. There could be several other reasons as well such as generation gap in action, or any grave mistake in the past. An ideal approach to deal with such situations requires an open discussion between the father and the child to clear the air before the relationship gets too much toxic.
Can a father truly hate his child?
Although not much is said about the love of a father, it is very similar to that of a mother’s love. So, until and unless you commit a grave crime that is downright unforgivable or something equivalent to that, no dad can truly hate his child, given that the pa is a good person.
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Yes, some misunderstandings or verbal fights may happen, but it usually gets solved in its own time and when both parties work together to make amends. This is because it is hard for both the parents and children to stay agitated with their blood relations for long.
Then, why does my father hate me?
A true problem amongst children and their parents, the generation gap can bore many short and long term issues. As the huge age difference brings in changes in ideologies, customs, and other things, both parties often end up having dissimilar attitudes towards things. This in turn causes rifts if none of the parties are backing down on their thoughts or beliefs.
For instance, typically parents from the older generations may not like the way you handle things, your taste in music, politics, and even outlook on life in a general case, as they don’t really understand how all this works. Thus, they often force their children to follow the ideals they believe in but if you don’t, then it could add up to things they don’t like about you or your siblings.
Defiance to Family Values and Traditions
With the advancing age, children are growing more independent and free-willed which even though may be good until a certain point, not all parents may like this change. Your dad may not entertain the fact of you staying alone or moving elsewhere for work, not participating in family traditions, or even dressing in a certain way. These small things could go on to adding to the hatred, making them dislike your choices and even sometimes start fights.
A grave mistake
Almost 80 percent of dads are often the most rigid in judging and upbringing their child. And hence, if lately your father has been giving you the cold shoulder, you may have done something to irate them off completely. This could be due to your recent drinking, hanging out with friends way too late at night, gambling or even getting pregnant before marriage. Sometimes even though it might seem not too much of a problem to us as children, it completely violates our parents ideals, and hence the feeling of hatred seems to seep into their minds.
No interest in ensuring family harmony
While mothers are the building blocks of a family, fathers are usually the ones that keep them going stronger. Therefore they are also the ones to react strongly in case a family member starts going astray or has zero regards to ensuring others’ happiness and peace. So, if you have not been indulging in little things that make you all come together or do something that threatens your close bonds, your dad is the one to whom you will answer first.
For instance, it’s usually the father who takes on a stand when siblings fight or someone starts disrespecting their elders.
Finally, if you or any of your siblings have been exhibiting disrespect towards others in the family, this action is bound to infuriate your dad. Parents, especially fathers are unforgiving when it comes to being disrespected in any way as they are the ones whom everyone looks up to. And to be real, no one likes to be treated disrespectfully, unless and until they are in the absolute wrong and are denying to even recognize their own faults.
What can I do?
If your relationship with your father has been growing cold and now you can’t even sit in the same room for long without screaming at the top of your lungs, here’s a few things to try.
- Understand where they are coming from
Given the sharp shift of ideologies and generation gaps, there are boundless things that may not be acceptable to you or your dad. Thus, rather than fighting your way out, every time there’s a mismatch of thoughts or ideas, you could talk it out and explain why’s what to your parents. This will make it easy for them to comprehend the logic behind your opinions and who knows they might also agree to what you have to say.
- Always self reflect
No one is perfect. And the same also applies to your father. Hence, if they have ever gotten angry at you for an irrelevant thing where you were not at fault, give time to feel your emotions and then forgive them. Your old man may have acted out that way given the situation, but they might be silently repenting now.
Similarly while human ego may let us think that we are in the right, it is not always true. So, rather than judging your father’s anger and denoting it as hatred towards you, be sure to look back at your own actions and what you would have done if the roles had been reversed.
- Be Respectful
A wise man once said, “Behave with others as you would like others to behave with you”.
A father has to go through so many things, make tough decisions and even compromise his own happiness over your life’s quality. So the least we could do as their children is to be respectful. Pinpoint the triggering factors and try changing the way you talk to your elders, parents and even your family members. The moment your old man will realize these changes and your effort, their negative feelings towards you will also automatically start to change.
- Stop accusing and talk
Although accusing your dad for everything that went wrong may seem the easiest way out, it is never a healthy way of maintaining family relationships. Always remember that your old man is also a human being and no matter how strong they may seem, having to be blamed always breaks them both mentally and physically. This eventually leads to their confidence and love for you fading out which does no good to anyone.
A better solution is to sit down and start discussing everything that has gone wrong or hurt you both in some ways. Clearing up the air about things goes a long way in clearing even the biggest of misunderstandings, hence you should definitely try this out.
- Ask a close member’s help
In case none of the other above stated solutions work, you can always try asking for a third-party’s help. This person could be anyone from your family to a professional family relationship consultant, but they need to be very partial with their judgment and understanding.
Once done, sit down and discuss everything that is going wrong in the relationship, take turns and express your thoughts openly. Believe me although it might seem like a dead cause initially, a lot of your disagreements will eventually work out, helping you gain the love and respect back.
Relationships change with time. But the only thing that keeps them stronger is effort. So, no matter how hateful or unloved you may be feeling now by your dad, there’s always a number of ways to jump back to the previous state full of love and laughter.
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