Sarah met her boyfriend, Paul, on a dating app, and they fell in love with each other. Things were going perfectly romantically and intimately, but soon Paul noticed Sarah getting less interested in the bedroom as the day passed. There was nothing wrong with sex as both were equally attracted to each other, as both didn’t have a problem reaching orgasm. Paul is an amazing lover as he is attentive to his partner. Then what was the real problem? The truth is, although the lovemaking sessions are quite satisfying, things tend to falter in the oral department. Sarah always finds Paul lying down without showing any reaction to oral. Although she knows Paul enjoys it, his lack of communication makes her feel uncomfortable.
The key to becoming a better lover is establishing honest communication between your partners. You have to listen and do what your partner says rather than make assumptions. Physical intimacy is a Two-Way Street, and being shellfish in bed will not get you there. Treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Be attentive, appreciative, and respectful. The communication does not always have to be explicit; sometimes, a small cue may work too.
We all know sexual technique plays an essential role in a relationship, and when you feel mentally or emotionally disconnected, the desire for sexual intimacy can be lost among partners. There is a popular belief that men get emotionally connected with their partners through satisfying sexual connections, and women enjoy intimacy with deep emotional connections.
In this article, we have mentioned strong and proven relationship advice for couples to strengthen their bonds.
7 Essential Tips to a Better Lover
Communicate Well
Communication is the key to every relationship. You must stay honest and open about your needs and be equally respectful to your partner’s needs. It’s not a one-way street, after all. Well, you may feel shy speaking about it, especially when you are in a new relationship. However, having an explicit conversation is not the only way to tell whether you like something or not. You may have to pay attention to your partner’s body language, facial expression, and breathing pattern. Although it will help improve your intimacy to a degree, it won’t bring you closer. Being a better lover is about getting out of your shell and not assuming others’ preferences or vulnerabilities. Instead, speak it out as openly as possible.
Don’t be Selfish
You need to balance your focus and accept the fact that the job of your partner is sole to make you feel good. Taking the story of Sarah as an example, you can learn that despite your partner does not say anything; they might need some response from you as well. A playful touch on the head, a moan, or a few explicit compliment words will do.
Meanwhile, giving too much focus on your partner can also be counterproductive. Men tend to lose their erection when they give complete focus on their partner during foreplay in some cases. Similarly, a female partner overly focused on establishing an emotional connection with her partner may fail to achieve an orgasm.
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As mentioned earlier, the key is to lay a balance between emotional and sexual intimacy. Sometimes you need to allow your relationship to grow to make your partner comfortable to speak about their needs. You need to achieve a phase where you are comfortable asking explicit questions to your partner, such as where they want to be kissed, how they like to be touched, what they like during oral or penetrative, and how they want to end the session.
Some people like their partner to become the alpha and take charge. Meanwhile, others hate aggressiveness and pushy or forceful behavior. To be a great lover, you should be willing to be humble and respectful.
Accept the Awkwardness
Getting physical in real life is different from what one sees in movies. Physical intimacy can be messy, and it does not go like a choreographed dance where everything happens smoothly. Clothes do not come out in a fluid motion, or everything does not smell like a bed of flowers. Instead of mulling over the awkwardness, you need to keep a clear consciousness. Things may get frustrating, but you should not let it show on your face. In some situations, laying on the bed for a few seconds and starting everything slowly helps. This also helps your partner feel safer and more comfortable around you. Sometimes humor helps a lot to cut the tension and be more creative in bed.
Appreciate your Partner
People always feel insecure and vulnerable whenever they are being intimate with others. Several questions run through their heads, such as whether they like what I am doing, whether I find them attractive, etc. Appreciating your partner really helps them boost their confidence and even their energy. Remember the small details, tell them they are good, tell them how they turn you on and look at their eyes when you speak.
Treat your Sexual Function Issues
Sexual dysfunction is more common among people than one might think. Such function issues include not being able to hold an erection, problems with achieving an erection, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, problems reaching orgasm, and more. Such issues often come due to a lack of sexual awareness, such as when and where to focus. As we mentioned earlier, if we focus on the wrong thing at the wrong time, that will confuse our brain, resulting in sexual malfunction.
Many people go on with their lives hoping these issues will resolve independently, but that rarely happens as people never actually work on them. However, if you have actual functional issues, you must contact a sexologist for proper medical care.
Change your Routine
When you are long-term relationship, there is a chance you already have an established pattern of sex. The next time you start going through the same ritual, stop and try something new. The best thing about long-term relationships is that you already know about the likes and dislikes of your partner. A small change or spontaneity can ignite a spark in your relationship in such situations. Try something new such as showering together, lighting scented candles, body massage, etc. Play some music you used to listen at your early years to bring back some old memories. Wear something new or surprising that your partner never expects you to wear.
Don’t go the Porn Route
Most women complain that men rush into intercourse before they are ready. This might be happening for several reasons, such as:
- Fear of the woman may change her mind
- Fear of interruption
- Concern about losing their erection or performance
- That’s what they do in porn
Porn is predominantly focused on fellatio and intercourse. It involves men discounting foreplay and rushing into intercourse and women eagerly waiting to please their partners. Although genitalia plays a significant part in sex, that shouldn’t be the first place to start. For instance, most porn consists of 90 percent intercourse and 10 percent foreplay. However, you need to make some extreme changes to the whole ratio in real life. You need to allocate 60 percent whole body play and 40 percent for genital sex.
The entire body can be your erotic playground when it comes to intimacy. Most people get annoyed when their partners explore only a few corners. While some people are ready to get down immediately, most of them require at least 30 minutes of warm-up. Also, how you perform in these 30 minutes will decide whether you are a better lover in bed or not.
The skin contains two types of nerve fibers, P and C. The P fibers react to pain like stubbed toes or bee sting, while the C fibers react to sensitivity such as caresses, massage, sensual pleasure, kisses, and erotic arousal.
When you set the base of your lovemaking with a body massage, the changes are that your partner will be happier. That means there is less chance they will change their minds in the middle of activities.
Key Takeaway
When it comes to connecting emotionally or sexually, partners must question why they got into the relationship in the first place. Love and sex are mutually exclusive, and the soon people accept that, the faster they will get into the solution. Everyone has preferences and triggers when it comes to physical intimacy. As partners, it is your responsibility to communicate with them honestly and respect each other boundaries.
